How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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