You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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