so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
