If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
