matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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