just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
