Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
