im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
