I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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