So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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