i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
