apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
