OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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