What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
