and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
