Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
