my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
