Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
