tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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