Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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