You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
