So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im holly from the hills drunk
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize