If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
