just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
