Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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