i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
