Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
