i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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