Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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