He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
