Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
