I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
