My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
