if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
