so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
