dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize