Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
