We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize