I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
