Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
