I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
