I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
