Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
