So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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