Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The Olympian is in my bed
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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