i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
