im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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