my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize