sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
