I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
