i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I need moral support for this bender
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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