you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
