If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize