Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
