So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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