Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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