So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
