She's JV to your varsity
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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