I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
