Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
