laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize