How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
