I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
