Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
