She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
