he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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