"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
