real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize